October 27, 2016

I Take Exception

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 3:15 pm

Right then – techie time…

There is a special circle of hell for people who think it’s a good idea to throw instances of the System.Exception class, and I am going to make it my mission in life to ensure they find there way to it. What am I talking about? This:

throw new Exception(“Some wittering message”);

What’s wrong with it?

The biggest problem is that should I decide I actually care about your wittering exception, I am unable to catch it directly… Sure, I can write the catch block, but what happens if another type of exception is thrown within the try block? Chaos ensues… Even if I do catch it, how am I supposed to know what to do – lacking a custom exception class as it does I have no idea as a developer what you are claiming happened, and therefore how I might respond to it…

If you are going to mark yourself out for my fury, you need to know that I don’t give a shite about the text you pass in the message – only idiots make buisness decisions on natural language text like that.

What should you be doing then if you want to remain my friend? Simplez – declare your own Exception class and inherit from either System.Exception or System.ApplicationException. It’s not exactly a time consuming task, it gives me confidence that when I catch the exception we are talking about the same thing, and it allows you to pass information to me, the innocent victim of your code, in a structured manner that I can use to decide what to do…

I’m sorry, but I’m sick and tired of this crap. Sort it the fook out.


October 26, 2016

Enough Already

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 12:40 pm

I have followed the case of Jacqui Thompson closely for a number of years, not only because this blog was directly involved, but also out of general interest in what I believe to be a huge injustice.

2016 has been a very stressful year for Jacqui. Both Mr. James and the Council itself have obtained separate charges against Jacqui’s home, and Mr. James went still further and tried to have Jacqui face criminal prosecutions… Fortunately, and following many behind the scenes interventions from all manner of right thinking people, the police eventually came to the conclusion that there was insufficient evidence to proceed.

Troubling times then – but at least Jacqui can look forward to the coming festivities of Christmas – spend some quiet reflective time at home with her family.

I hope this year is particularly memorable for Jacqui, because it’s looking like this will be the last Christmas she gets to spend at home… Mr. James has, good natured Christian that he is, decided to try to sell her home from under her and make her homeless.

Happy Christmas.

Jacqui does not deserve to be treated like this. All she has ever done is to speak out about the problems with the council – and there are many. She has performed the role of armchair auditor with distinction, and has selflessly devoted herself to the cause of the community. 

The people of Carmarthenshire owe her better than this. It might well be too late to resolve the legal position, but there is a moral dimension to be considered here as well. For heaven’s sake Carmarthenshire , wake up, smell the coffee, and act! Speak out… Discuss… Don’t allow the council to treat a civic minded citizen like this in your name.

Finally,  looking beyond Jacqui, never, ever allow this shite to happen again. Start taking local democracy seriously, and elect representatives worthy of the role… Many of the current shower come up some way short of the mark…

April 26, 2016

Tips For New Software Developers

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 10:27 pm

I have been writing software that other people have been using now for just over 20 years, and it occurs to me that I really should have some useful advice to impart to other developers who are at the start of their own careers. It is in that frame of mind that I therefore offer the following to the profession, in no specific order:

Be Engaged.

Being the guy who punches in at 9am, leaves a 5pm having done eight hours of the same old stuff is a road to nowhere. We are creative individuals in a rapidly moving profession, surrounded by colleagues of a similar mind. If you are happy to just plod on with the job whilst making no effort to improve yourself, the community will pass you by and your skills will stagnate. So, be engaged in software development, read about it, listen to podcasts about it, run naked through the streets proclaiming your love of it if you must, but don’t just “plod on”.

The truth of the matter is that it doesn’t take a lot of keep abreast of what is going on, as there are no shortage of people shouting about it whichever platform you are working on. Websites abound, quality online training is now available at a reasonable cost to all (Pluralsight, Eggheads etc…), and if all else fails there’s always Youtube…

You are not a God!

We developers tend to see the world in absolutes, and form firm opinions easily. We convince ourselves that our approach is the smartest way of achieving most given tasks (easily done – it is after all the best way we know of) and we are always, at least in our own minds, one step ahead of our colleagues. Newsflash – all of your colleagues have gone through the same thoughts and feelings as well, and we can’t all be right!

Be open to the ideas, approaches and solutions of those around you, Cast a critical eye over their ideas, and if you’re mature enough, an equally critical eye over your own. Discuss strengths and weaknesses, and don’t obsess over having to be recognised as the best developer in the room – you’re not, and neither is anyone else. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

Don’t drink the management kool aid…

Some newcomers believe it’s their job to go along with whatever management wants – and they’re wrong. It’s your job to work together with management toward meeting the goals of your projects. That doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they say, and it certainly doesn’t mean letting them dictate solution designs to you…

In my experience, good managers are like rocking horse shit, because once they’ve climbed the greasy pole they tend to want to throw their weight around. A good manager will limit their role only to helping to ensure the team delivers as promptly and cost-effectively as possible – and in such a role they are an ally! A truly exceptional manager will foster a culture in the team that there are no sacred cows, nothing that is not open for discussion, and no one on the team who is beyond challenge. These managers are rarer still…

Stay away from the developer kool aid as well!

That is not to say that you should ally yourself with other developers rather than managers, but rather that you shouldn’t really be thinking in those terms at all… If you find yourself working in a team where the developers are all allied against the management, then it’s time to ask how that situation has arisen, and what can be done about it. At the end of the day, we’re all supposed to be on the same team and working to common goals, and internal bickering isn’t getting the job done.

A well functioning software team is one where nobody is afraid to raise ideas, flag concerns, or talk to one another. There’s nothing wrong with disagreement – it can be a very healthy thing in terms of considering different ideas. What matters is how disagreements are handled.


Don’t suffer fools – lightly or in any other way…

A few years ago, I worked for a company (I’ll spare their blushes and not name them) who had, and there’s really no other way of saying this, the technical architect from hell. How bad was it? A few quotes from the chap:

  • “In all the time I have worked here, we have never employed a developer I actually respect” – spoken in a room filled with eight (fortunately non-violent) developers.
  • “Our developers are too stupid to understand branching and merging…” – they were not stupid at all – the problem was that the technical architect didn’t understand it.
  • “What does Private mean in C# again?”


Other notable events:

  • Calling one of our junior female developers “Sugartits”.
  • Banning the use of Entity Framework or any other ORM because “I’ve heard they can be slow.”
  • When complaining about me in a meeting with my boss and I, getting so out of control yelling that my tactic (which worked) was to simply sit there quietly until the tirade ended, turn to my manager and ask “Do you see my problem?”.


Enough about this one specific chap – but something to note is how much text I wrote before returning to the general case – years after the event, I still instinctively rail against the guy. Clearly this wasn’t a productive relationship.

The mistake I made was staying in the relationship. The man in my view had some “issues” that I was never going to be able to have an impact on, so his behaviour would not change. I’ve spent entire days dealing with him when I could have been productively writing code instead – elsewhere if needs be.

What this episode did teach me was that such behaviour cannot be tolerated, and allowing it to continue was a mistake. If I’m ever treated like this by someone again in my professional life, I will try to constructively address the issue with them. If I’m unable to do that, I’ll find another job… Life is too short to suffer like this…


Don’t be the idiot.

For this first half of my career, I never encountered a female developer. I even began to wonder if such people existed – women are certainly under represented in IT. When I encountered my first female colleague (Waves at Linda) it came as something of a shock, all the more so being that my last position had been around the very male orientated world of automotive parts supply.

I initially treated Linda as some kind of curiosity – well done you for sticking to your guns and making it in a man’s word, ya big girlie girl!

This was shameful, because Linda was just another developer trying to get the job done, and her gender should have been neither here nor there… I eventually realised what I was doing, how Linda was being treated, and stomped it out – but it took months. For months she had to come into work and deal with the stupid idiot who had a nonsensical issue with something she couldn’t, wouldn’t and shouldn’t change. I was Linda’s idiot.

We soon recovered our working relationship, but through an act of sheer dickery I could have lost Linda, and here’s the thing – I liked her. She actually helped me in my career, because she was always very good at playing devil’s advocate, and wasn’t afraid to tell stupid people when they were being stupid.

In short, if someone has a problem with you, do something about it. DO NOT assume they must be wrong, and try to look on the situation dispassionately.

Variety is the spice of life…

Consider getting involved with an open source project, and seeing how a different collection of developers do things. Of course, there’s no guarantee that the things they are doing are right, or in some cases even sane, but that’s not the point… You will only learn so much from working within one team, and getting involved in something else will expand both your horizons and your thinking…

Personally, I’ve spent years working in environments where everyone with commit rights to the code was sat within 100 yards of my desk. Distributed, open source development works in an entirely different way – you have to think about branching, you have deal will Pull Requests… You have to manage your relationship with others on the project differently, and everyone has to act professionally or nothing gets done.

In my open source work, I have even been heard to utter “You guys really, really need a business analyst here…”. Normally, that would have required electrodes on my testicles before I would begin to contemplate such craziness. Think BAs are a pain in the ass? See what happens when Project Managers work without them!

Software development is an exciting industry, and as with any other industry has it’s share of visionaries, it’s share of “plodders” and it’s share of assholes. As a new software developer, you need to continually challenge yourself in terms of am I being professional?, am I being diligent?, and of course the big one, what can I do better?


March 7, 2016

Prohibition in Doncaster?

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 12:51 pm

I am as many of you will know something of a fan of Mark Thomas, a well known comedian, protester, and thorn in the pimply backside of the establishment. Last year a friend kindly look to me one of his gigs, where we examined the issue of Public Space Protection Orders.

Public Space Protection Orders are basically laws that councils dream up, and then implement over a geographically defined area, and came to us in the Anti-social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Act of 2014. In and of itself it’s not such a bad idea, giving the ability for problems to be addressed locally, operating under the careful scrutiny of those champions of democracy, local councillors…

What could possibly go wrong?

Well, somewhat bored on the train the other week, I fired off a Freedom of Information request to my local authority, Doncaster, to get a list of any PSPOs they had enacted. For the most part common sense won through, issues had been foreseen and mitigated, and all was well. Then I found this:


Person(s) within the area outlined in the attached map 2 will not ingest, inhale, inject, smoke or otherwise use intoxicating substances. Intoxicating Substances is given the following definition:- Substances with the capacity to stimulate or depress the central nervous system. Exemptions shall apply in cases where the substances are used for a valid and demonstrable medicinal use, given to an animal as a medicinal remedy, are cigarettes (tobacco) or vaporisers or are food stuffs regulated by food health and safety legislation.


To be in place for the whole of Hexthorpe


At all times.

Congratulations – we’ve brought back prohibition to the streets of Doncaster. You will note there are no caveats or exceptions allowing people to drink in the public houses in the area, or indeed within their own homes…

This is what happens when you give a body powers but nobody provides adequate scrutiny.

Perhaps it’s time to have a word with the local constabulary, to point out all these “drinking establishments” that exist within the zone. Every customer is committing a criminal act. The bar staff are technically dealers… Now if I can just persuade old plod to pop around to the council offices to arrest the licensing committee for aiding and abetting…

February 11, 2016

Hello Northern Rail Chappies!

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 1:02 pm

Last night, I found myself at in Leeds Railway Station with a little unplanned free time on my hands, seeing as Northern Rail had cancelled my train. For the second time in three days I was going to have to catch a later train home, be late for dinner, and not get so long with the kids. I was, shall we say, rather annoyed…

I decided to have a look at Twitter to see how my fellow passengers were getting on with their journeys, and came across a lady who said both her journey to work and home again had been on overcrowded trains, pointed out the potential for people to be injured, and asked Northern Rail’s Twitter bod to at least acknowledge that the service was indeed overcrowded based on a photograph she took.

They failed to do this, and why that should be is not exactly a mystery – we only have to look at what the Twitter Bod is there for. From what I have seen over recent months, they have the following functions:

  1. When asked, they will try to assist passengers with information about timetables, connecting services etc.
  2. If people complain, they will say that it “has been passed to the relevant department” and then try and end the discussion.

Option 2 is a bit sneaky though, isn’t it. I appreciate they would rather not discuss “difficult” or “awkward” topics over Twitter where there response is there for all the public to see. I understand they want to protect their reputation. But deflecting questions on safety? Is that really on?

I jumped into the conversation about overcrowding, and pointed out that their response did not address the lady’s very direct question. They invited me to contact them using the “Contact Us” facility on their website. This would limit me to a mere 2500 key presses (for no good reason), but that’s not my main reason for not playing ball. My real gripe is their motivation for asking me to take the conversation to the Contact Us page – and it can be summarised thus:

“Get this the hell away from our social media account! We don’t want other people reading this!”

That’s a problem.

The truth is, a lot (though not all) of the problems with Northern Rail’s service are actually beyond their control… They’d like to run more trains, but can’t get hold of the rolling stock (which has to be released from the DoT) and even then they have to sort out pathing on the timetable. With the best will in the world, they are not able to address everyone’s concern / complaint effectively… They should simply bloody say so – rather than pretending that some manager will review the passenger’s concerns in the morning…

Sticking feedback in the suggestions chute (because I suspect it effectively leads straight to the skip outside) does not fix the problem. Denying the problem exists does not fix the problem. But recognising that you have a problem is the first step toward a solution. Then passengers can direct their fury where it really needs to be (MoT), and we can all work together for a better service in the future.

Northern Rail have lost the franchise, so business as usual shouldn’t be an option for Arriva when they come on board – Northern have proved it doesn’t work. We need an operator more concerned about service delivery than their image on social media. We need an effective champion for genuine improvement. We need someone who accepts the current situation is poor, but is prepared to work with passengers to improve it.

Here’s hoping.


January 31, 2016

The Togmeister has Ascended…

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 11:26 pm

Like many of my cohorts, I was stunned this morning to learn of the death of Sir Terry Wogan – courtesy of a shocked phone call from a close friend who was perhaps even more of a fan than I… It was the kind of news that just slaps you in the face and makes you stop what you’re doing – and when my friend mentioned that Radio Two were broadcasting a tribute show, I knew I had to listen…

As I write this, thanks to the magic of the BBC IPlayer, I’m listening again. At the side of me I have a cup of tea mixed with something a little more potent, and a box of tissues. Both are getting some use.

You see, from late 1999 until about 2007, I was, in common with millions of other people up and down the nation, one of Terry’s regular listeners – or a TOG to those in the know… For most of the time in question I had jobs that involved about a 40 minute commute, so the “Wake Up To Wogan” show became a big part of my day. The irreverent humour of the team (the show was never simply about Terry), the banter between Terry and his producer Paul Walters, the finely tuned musical selection – all came together to get me fired up for the day, and to make sure I’d had a few smiles before finding my desk.

Listening to the tribute show now, I am inevitably reminded of listening to the tribute show Terry himself organised to mark the passing of Paul Walters. I can still remember lying in the bath listening to that show, how poignant it was, the “comforting pain” I felt as I listened to “He Ain’t Heavy”. Well, it’s even more intense now that we are marking the passing of Terry himself – but there IS comfort there…

Muscially, well – he had Paul Walters had amazing taste. They introduced me to several stars – people like Eva Cassidy and Katie Melua, the remarkable thing being that they were not the “known” figures of  today, but rather “unknowns” who made the playlist simply because of Terry and Paul’s love of quality. Listening to the tribute show, there are so many of these tracks that I would never identify as being amongst my favourites – but I’m struck by how good these records are… Exquisite was an everyday thing on the show.

Terry was, as they say, only human – and at seventy seven years of age, we should all be able to admit, as Terry certainly would, that the road ahead was somewhat shorter than the road behind. I’m sure, the humour of the man being what it was, he wouldn’t want to think of nation wailing in despair; rather, he would want us to remember all the fun we had…

So, to Terry, to Paul(ie) Walters, to Fran Godfrey, to Alan “Voice of the balls” “Deadly” Dedicoat, to John “Boggy” Marsh – Thank You. There’s much more to be said, but it doesn’t need to be – I’m sure they know… If God exists, his mornings have just got a little more interesting…




December 1, 2015

Why are we doing this?

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 12:54 pm

It is likely, by the end of the week, that the RAF will be attacking ground based targets in Syria – in an effort to quell the continued rise of the so called Islamic State. I’d like to discuss why I personally think this is a huge mistake.

To start with, our record in recent military adventures has hardly been an unending story of success. The forces have performed magnificently, but the Taliban are taking back the territory we fought for in Afghanistan, Iraq continues in civil war… This isn’t how we saw it all ending, and that’s one of the problems with military campaigns – their ends are so difficult to predict.

Which isn’t to say that I am card carrying pacifist – I support our forces even when I do not agree with their deployment, and like anyone else I’m singularly impressed with their exploits… We are lucky to have one of the finest bodies of fighting men and women in the world.

Personally, I would have no problem sending them into harm’s way – that is after all what they are there for – but I wouldn’t do it on a whim, or when the goal was unachievable, or for political reasons back home. They deserve more respect than that.

The stated aim of the forthcoming air campaign is to protect our National Security by degrading Islamic State – a band of despicable terrorists who quite deliberately hide within civilian population centres. Can someone explain to me why a bomber is the weapon of choice for a job like that? Whilst it’s true that from time to time you’ll get a chance to wipe an ISIS land vehicle from the face of the Earth, is it really that simple?

How are we to avoid killing innocent civilians? What of our obligations under the Geneva Convention if we have forces on the ground (and you’re a muppet if you really think we haven’t got SAS soldiers on the ground doing recon work now…). If we do injure or kill innocent civilians, what effect would that have on Islamic State’s ability to recruit? Does attacking their forces in theatre make them more motivated to launch attacks on UK soil?

If we are to act against Islamic State, then we need to confront the basic reality that in order to be effective we will have to put boots on the ground – and lots of them. There is no other way to deal with a body like Islamic State – they won’t fight a conventional war, and sadly dealing with them will require ground forces in significant numbers. It won’t, so soon after Afghanistan and Iraq, be popular politically, but there you are. If you’re going to give the forces a reasonable chance to completing the task, that’s what’s needed.

But that isn’t what Cameron is about to do. Conscious of his political standing here at home, he will only commit to an air campaign. At best this will be ineffective, and at worst, counter productive. He hasn’t got a problem sending our aircrews into harms way to achieve very little, but at great risk to the crews involved. That is shameful.

We should do the job properly, or not at all.


August 3, 2015

What of Justice?

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 11:06 pm

What of Justice?

In recent years, I have taken an interest in three court cases that have been heard before the High Court at the Royal Courts Of Justice in London. My experiences have been varied, but one thread that runs throughout is that justice via these hallowed halls is now only for those who can afford it – and that troubles me greatly…

Let’s start with the case of Paul Chambers, the now infamous #TwitterJokeTrial – where a man had his life blighted with a criminal conviction simply for making a joke about the fact his local airport had closed due to adverse weather. Whilst it is true that Chambers was eventually cleared at the High Court, it should not be forgotten that this was the culmination of a very long fight throughout the Magistrates Court, the Crown Court, and the High Court. His defence was possible partly though the benevolence of a number of legal professionals who worked on his case on a pro bono basis, partly because the community on Twitter came together to raise funds, partly through a number of high profile comedians holding a benefit gig. The sincere support of people like Stephen Fry, Al Murray and Graham Linehan, who were prepared to very publicly stand by both Chambers and his cause, did his case no harm at all.

What would have happened though Chambers not had these assets to bring to the fore, on a freedom of information case, and instead found himself contesting say a charge of assaulting a police officer. Could Chambers have pursued a campaign to establish his innocence without such a support movement behind him? Of course not.

Now, this raises for me two important points. First of all, I believe that the genuinely innocent man / woman should have the basic right to appeal their conviction, and finance ought not to come into it. For this reason, we had the system of “Legal Aid” in this country, but it is now been watered down to such an extent that it is barely recognisable, and certainly lacks the efficacy it once had. It is no longer properly resourced, and until this is remedied, neither is justice in this land.

The second point we must consider is that where the courts have convicted the wrong person, not only does the innocent suffer an unwarranted conviction, but the actual perpetrator is left to commit further offences. It is for this reason that I feel the genuinely innocent actually have a moral obligation to fight – but in a courts system so ruled by money and resource, many are not in a position to do so.

The second case I would invite you to consider is that of Jacqui Thompson, a Welsh Political Blogger who ended up fighting a libel battle over comments on this very blog, and indeed her own. The High Court managed to conclude that Thompson was conducting some form of personal vendetta against her local council’s Chief Executive, a Mr. Mark James. They also ruled that that Thompson had attempted to pervert the course of justice – a finding that resulted in the insurers backing both Thompson’s case and her defence from a countersuit backing out.

There are many interesting aspects of this case, and I don’t want to focus on this case too closely in this post, so we’ll just cover a couple of them. First of all, an attempt to pervert the course of justice would be a criminal matter, triable under the criminal burden of proof, and not by the judge in a libel trial, which is of course civil law. Secondly, it’s interesting that Mr. James managed to secure an indemnity against his legal expenses from his employer, the legality of which appears highly questionable indeed.

Although Thompson has had an appeal, which incredibly she lost, she is now in a position of owing hundreds of thousand of pounds, has a charge against her home, and will in all likelihood eventually lose it. What’s remarkable here is that now the mainstream press are beginning to take an interest in events around the council, they seem to agree with the overwhelming majority of the points that Thompson has made. Rather than pursuing a grudge, she is merely scrutinising (and incredibly effectively) the local council who act in her name. The woman deserves the freedom of the city, not losing her home!

Unfortunately though, finance alone means that Thompson will almost certainly never be able to clear her name. A woman who has tirelessly campaigned against waste and corruption will lose her home, merely because she refused to let them get away with it and lacks the financial resources to fight the case.

Cases should not be brought and fought merely on the basis of who can afford justice – justice is a right.

Finallly, let’s consider the case of Tim Ireland, a candidate in the recent general election who tried to bring a petition against Nadine Dorries MP. Dorries and Ireland have a lengthy history, and for a number of years Dorries has maintained that Ireland has been stalking her. The police have repeatedly found that Ireland has no case to answer, and Ireland has asked on a number of occasions that Dorries should publish evidence (such as emails she claims to have received…), without success.

In the run up to the election, Dorries repeated in the media her claim that Ireland was stalking her, even going to far as to suggest it was unsafe to attend a hustings event because Ireland would be present. She did however send a number of supporters, including her own daughters, to this “unsafe” event, who then distributed material Ireland considered to be libelous to those gathered at the event. Ireland also noticed that this material did not comply with certain aspects of election law, such as bearing the candidate’s address and details of where the leaflet had been printed.

At the High Court, the matter was thrown out because Ireland’s legal team not not served Dorries with legal papers correctly. The matter of whether or not Ireland is a dangerous stalker was not even considered, much less decided by the court. Surely, if the claims were genuine, Dorries should be entitled to have Ireland exposed. Similarly, if the claims are lies, Ireland should be entitled to have the matter settled as well.

Rather than allowing for the procedural mistake in serving papers, allowing Ireland’s legal team to serve Dorries again, and reconvening a further hearing in say a couple of month’s time, the court simply struck out the petition. This has a number of consequences – besides the lack of a proper scrutinly of the claims Dorries has made, we also now have an electorate unsure of whether or not she conducted herself unlawfully in the lead up to the election. Isn’t Dorries herself entitled to have that issue put to bed at the very least? Isn’t Ireland entitled to have his accuser’s claims tested in open court?

The most serious consequence however is that Ireland is now reportedly saddled with over £150K of debts in the case, and that sends a very negative message indeed to anyone else thinking, quite properly, of bringing a similar case in similar circumstances in the future. The effect therefore is that rather than being exposed, dodgy practices are indirectly actually PROTECTED by the judicial system! What a tangled web we weave…

If justice is to mean anything, then our courts need to focus on the task of ensuring it is delivered, irrespective of cost, and delivered consistently to all members of society, great and small. Justice isn’t a budget – it’s a principal and a right. Sometimes expensive, sometimes inconvenient perhaps, but absolutely essential if we are truly to live in a fair, free and hopefully just society.

June 30, 2015

Goodby, Goodbye, Goodbye… (to my bike)

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 11:48 am

On Thursday 28th May 2015, some despicable little scrote stole my mountain bike (value around £500) from outside the St. John’s Offices building in Leeds City Centre. From the start, I decided to stay constructive – I wasn’t about to see my property again, but I really, REALLY wanted to see said scrote answer for his crimes.

The traditional, law abiding method of doing this here in Britain is to involve the police, so that is precisely what I did as I trudged toward the railway station that evening. I’ve gave them chapter and verse about the bike, every detail I could think of. I also made damned sure they understood that this theft took place in front of  the “LeedsWatch” cameras.

LeedsWatch are a separate agency from the police – probably part of the local authority – but the police naturally use them to gain access to the recorded footage of happenings within the city centre.

Imagine my surprise then, upon asking the police to gain the footage of my bike being taken, to be told that this was apparently not a reasonable use of police time. Really? Theft? £500? Having grilled the police a little more carefully, it seems they have a policy whereby they will not ask for footage unless the victim can specify when the offence occurred to within a tolerance of 15 minutes.

You read that correctly.

The justification offered is “We can’t have people viewing hours of footage” – to which my response is two-fold:

  • Have the council staff at LeedsWatch do it, and
  • It doesn’t have to take hours. Check cameras at noon – if the bike is there, it was taken in the afternoon. Check at 1430. If the bike is there it was taken late afternoon, if not it was taken early afternoon. Five or six times around this process and you should be staring at Mr. Scrote in glorious high definition.

You see, I’m more annoyed not by the loss of my bike (which has ticked me off somewhat to put it mildly), but by the failure to even begin to investigate the crime. I don’t demand results – those to be fair are beyond the control of the police – but I do expect them to a least try to investigate! A failure to do so is a plain invitation to other thieves to have a field day because, apparently, cycle theft isn’t worth bothering with in Leeds.

Finally, I have had to really chase both the Police and Leedswatch to get any sort of response out of them. Both have outstanding correspondence to address, but it’s clear to me now that they simply aren’t even going to extend the simple courtesy of a reply. I’ve tried to speak with a Sergeant or above to discuss this, but apparently the control room people don’t have the ability to talk to a specific officer unconnected with my case (the Sergeant who is connected with it was off duty).

I suspect your noses have gotten longer folks…

April 9, 2015

“Can I have a word with you for 10 minutes?”

Filed under: Uncategorized — madaxeman @ 12:28 am

So I’m sat at my station in the office when my line manager pops his head over my shoulder, and asks if he can have a word for 10 minutes. Well, he’s the boss, so of course he can have a word. I stand up and follow him away from my desk. For someone who wants a word, he’s not saying a lot… So, we walk off our floor, down onto a different level in the building, and into a little meeting room. I notice the head of HR is waiting for us, and also that a colleague has been brought down for what I assume is a somehow connected discussion. What the hell is going on?

“I’m going to read from this pre-prepared script…” Really, at this point I don’t really know what is happening, but I’m thinking either some form of disciplinary meeting, or I’m being made redundant. I think of my colleague in the adjoining room – is there something we have both been involved with recently? Something we might have done that someone could have mis-interpretted? No – can’t think of anything…

Well, as the script comes out, the mystery is resolved – redundancy it is. We discuss how, now that the project I have been working on is nearing fruition, the company wishes to return to it’s more “traditional” staffing levels. I’m asked what I think, but the truth is that neither my line manager of the head of HR really needs to be troubled by that. What I’m thinking is “I have two kids and a fiancee to provide for – what the hell am I going to do?”…

Eventually I am asked what personal effects I have brought with me, as my manager is now going to return to my desk and gather my belongings together before I am shown off the premises. Excuse me what? “Shown off the premises…”. 15 minutes ago I was trusted with the source code from the entire enterprise, and now I can’t be allowed to visit my desk. Heavens knows what the powers that be are afraid I might do…

Whilst my manager heads up to gather my belongings, I find myself left sat with the head of HR. To give her credit, she tries to make conversation, sympathetic noises etc – but there is nothing of comfort or practical benefit she can say, and we both know it. We’re left exchanging pleasantries until my manager returns…

We shake hands, and he then escorts me downstairs. I look at his eyes and I can see he is having a crap afternoon. I’ve been told that seven people are caught in this redundancy, and I suspect that I am not the only person my manager has had to go through this with today. The guy looks gaunt, and I’m torn between fury at how the company is now treating me, and sympathy for the guy. At the end of the day he is simply following defined procedure, and probably doesn’t want to be here any more than I do. I break the awkward silence to tell him that I know this isn’t personal, and that he’s just following procedure. We arrive in reception, where despite the pleasantries they are careful to see that I step out of the door…

Walking across the car park I encounter a group of individuals who have clearly been through the same experience I just have. They look a little angry, just like me – a little bewildered, just like me…. We can’t believe what has happened, noone can make any sense of it. We talk for five minutes or so, and then part ways.

If I ever find myself working in a position where I have influence over redundancy procedures, I will do a better job of it than my previous employer. I was left feeling guilty, like a criminal. The reality of the process of course is that you ARE being cast aside, but there has to be a better way to do it than this. Not having the chance to say goodbye to colleagues properly, as opposed to over social media, really stings. The truth of the matter is that most people when made redundant are not hell bent on revenge – they’re in shock – and it wouldn’t hurt to treat them as as human beings…

Having gotten to my car, I started to drive toward the school where my fiancée works – this isn’t the kind of news I want to pass on over the phone. I called a good friend to let him know what had happened, and then started out into traffic… As I head out onto the motorway I’m still quite shocked, and to be honest a little angry as well – but then it occurred to me that this attitude isn’t going to fix anything. I needed to be more constructive about things, so whilst I am driving back to Doncaster I place a call to my preferred recruitment agent – Gravitas Recruitment in Leeds. Over the course of the next few miles I explain what has happened, that I am looking to find a new role quickly, and my minimum requirements in terms of a salary. After listening to me for a few minutes, James (my recruiter) says “Right. I’ve got this. Go pick up Rachel, go home, sleep and we’ll talk in the morning…”. Still somewhat shell shocked, I decided that is exactly what I would do.

Rachel, bless her, was a star. It would be wrong to say she wasn’t worried, because she was – but there was no blame. All I received from her was support, and a determination that whatever was coming, we would face it together. I tried not to get too preoccupied with thoughts of “how do I feed these kids?” – but truthfully that was bouncing around in my head and wouldn’t go away… The first night of redundancy is probably the worst, because you have a million things running through your mind, and no idea what you are going to do about any of them because you haven’t really had a chance to start planning how you are going to address the situation. I didn’t get much sleep, and although she claimed to be fine, I doubt Rachel did either.

Come the following morning, and I get a telephone call from James asking if he can come out and meet me. I invite him to my home, but probably for safety reasons Gravitas prefer to do their business in coffee bars and other public places. We have a nice coffee bar in the village, so I arrange to meet James there later in the morning. Unfortunately a few minutes later he called back to say he couldn’t make it, and asked if I might meet him in Leeds City Centre instead. Well, having nothing better to do, I agreed – finished my coffee and caught a train.

Meeting James was a big relief. Tall, perhaps a little younger than I had expected, the guy exuded confidence. He told me to stop worrying – that the market was in my favour, and that recently he had turned around people in my situation in three days. He’d already sent me details of some suitable positions to examine on the way over, and it was clear to me I was dealing with someone who had an active interest in making things happen. In other words, he was precisely the kind of guy I needed in my corner. He asked for a period of exclusivity, which I reduced somewhat before I agreed to it – if I didn’t have decent leads in the next week or two then I would have to open my search to other agents. I was also keenly aware that a number of former colleagues were passing my details to their own recruiters, and I didn’t want anyone to feel slighted by not taking up their offers. Strange of course, but that is how I felt at the time…

Over coffee we discussed my requirements, expectations, and availability for interviews. Availability was an easy one – I kept my suit ironed and ready, and would be out the door on a moments notice… I left the meeting with James confident that if nothing else I had made a decent attempt at starting to get a job search on track. Over the course of the next week, I had interviews almost every day – often two the same day. Things went well, and I interviewed like crazy until things came to a pause of the Easter holidays.

At home though, things were far from ideal. Rachel and the kids were great, but something was wrong because I was having serious trouble sleeping. It would be wrong to say that I was constantly worrying about the situation we were in, but it must have been kicking around my subconscious because I simply could not get to sleep. Most nights I would try to lie in bed with Rachel, but would end up sneaking downstairs to watch TV, grab a warm milk etc, return to Rachel and stare at the ceiling some more…

I developed a chest infection, and at that point decided that I needed some help, so I went to see the local 8 while 8 doctor. He prescribed me some antibiotics to deal with the infection, some other pills to help with the acid he thought was causing my sleeping difficulties, and gave me some general advice about getting a good night’s sleep. I came away thinking all was fixed, but of course that night still couldn’t sleep…

In the end, I decided that if my body was determined to crash down like this, then I would let it – so I just waited it out until I was unbelievably tired, and went to bed early in the evening by myself. Sleep at last! I don’t pretend to understand what was going on with my body or mind through this period, but from that night forward, I was able to sleep. This episode was one of the strangest experiences in my life though, because I knew there was no reason why I should not be able to sleep, and yet simply couldn’t do it. It was the first time I have every really felt “out of control”, and was a very unpleasant time.

Once Easter passed, it came time to review where we were in terms of the results of the interview process. I started with an interview on the Tuesday morning, and as usual made a point of getting into the city a good hour before I had to, just to make sure I was there on time. I like to arrive at interviews relaxed and 20 minutes before they are scheduled, and I find being in the area an hour before to be the only way to achieve this.

As luck would have it, my walk to the interview would take me past Gravitas’ front door, so I put in a call to see Usman, James’ manager who was handling my case while James took some well deserved annual leave. In that meeting, Usman informed me that one of the companies I had previously interviewed with was prepared to make an offer, which would at least match the package I had received from my previous employer. This came of course as a massive relief, and as soon as I left Gravitas I called Rachel to tell her the good news – that we were now secure, but it was just a matter of seeing what other companies might be prepared to offer as well…

I attended my arranged interview, together with another one arranged at the last minute later in day… Whilst travelling home, I was informed that another two companies, including the one I had interviewed with that morning, were also making offers. Without revealing too much, I should be starting work again next week, and will be making an extra couple of thousand pounds per year than I did in my former role. I’m looking forward to the challenges to come, and this is very much the happy ending…

Sort of.

What I would like to do is to share some advice, so that hopefully someone else finding themselves having this nightmare experience might benefit from my own experience and approach.

First of all, don’t get mad at your previous employer. It’s not easy, but at the end of the day no good will come of it, and it only serves as a distraction. You don’t need the distraction, you have a job to find – so draw a line under things and move on. Besides, it only makes things tricky for your friends who remain with the employer…

Next, be constructive, positive, and act. Brooding isn’t going to help, so by far the best option you have is to take the situation by the horns and address it head on. Your new job is finding your new job – so get on with it.

Social Media is a tricky one… As I was introduced to the door the head of HR made clear her view that I ought not to criticise the firm on social media… One subconscious effect of this is that I didn’t really mention my redundancy on social media for some time – which of course I was able to do without attacking the company, and so could have done on day one. I’ve helped a lot of people in my career, and once I made public the fact that I had been made redundant (by which time I already had the offers in place…) I was amazed by the number of friends and colleagues whose immediate reaction was to try to help me. People were prepared to talk to their managers about upcoming vacancies… One former colleague asked me outright if I wanted an interview with the company he worked for… It rapidly became clear to me that I should have engaged my social network on day one.

At home, keep in mind what’s important. My situation was initially dire, but guess what? My girls were healthy, my partner loved me and we have supportive families. My initial fears about how do I feed these kids? The simple truth is that if I couldn’t, then our parents, together with an uncle to whom I am already deeply indebted in my life, would have come to the rescue. I wouldn’t have liked it, but the fact is that the kids were never going to starve… I have an acquaintance who is married with three daughters and is in a fight with cancer he is far from certain to win. Having lost a job, whilst a serious problem, pales into insignificance compared with that…

In terms of interviews, don’t be afraid to be yourself. People often seem to take on a special persona at interviews which is both fake and easily spotted by a good interviewer. Be yourself, be positive, and be honest. When I have conducted interviews myself, an answer I really respected is “I don’t know”. It takes a certain strength of character to recognise that, and can usually be easily addressed.

Be early for interviews – personally I always like to be sat in reception at least twenty minutes before the interview is scheduled to begin. You might be seen early, you might have to wait, but at the end of the day the interviewer sees that you have taken steps to ensure you attend on time. This speaks of preparation and planning – neither of which are negative impressions!

Finally, keep this in mind… I have personally been made redundant three times in my career. On each occasion, initially things seemed bleak, but looking back all three occasions saw me progress into better positions with better pay… Redundancy is a problem, but if properly addressed hopefully a temporary one, and the grass is usually greener on the other side.

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